Magic School Charter
by MyCrimsonDawn
Summary: Yeah, just what it says. Warning inside. You know the whole disclaimer deal. R&R? I would love you forever!


**WARNING!!!** Some of this material may be very offensive!! Material hinting to the Holocaust and towards homosexuality will be made. Ok, now you can read it. R&R.

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_**1990-1991 Magic School Charter**_

_**Written with the consent and guidance**_

_**of**_

_**Headmaster Adolph Elizabeth Hitler**_

_** RULES**_

No talking in class unless given permission to do so by your teacher

No talking back or any other acts of disrespect towards the staff

No magic outside of the school unless given special permission by the headmaster

No fighting

No cheating

No note passing in class

No doing homework in class

Socializing will only be tolerated during breaks between classes

No asking questions

No requesting extra help in a subject

Follow curfew and dress code

No loitering

No public displays of affection until after 6 pm or on weekends

No _edible_ substances in class; snortable, injectable, and substances for potions are, however, permitted

No indigo nail polish

No unnecessary hand motions

No swearing unless it is in one of the following languages:

Swedish

Portuguese

Yugoslavian

Dwarfism

(This is strictly to insure that no fowl language will be incorporated into any spells)

All females will be required to obtain and maintain a weight of at least 150 lbs., so that there will be a higher level of concentration from the males of Magic School

No animals under 10 lbs. are allowed out of their dormitories (this does include mammals, birds, reptiles, all sea life, and German sports cars of all makes)

Boys are not allowed to visit girls dormitories; girls, however, may visit the boys dormitories, so long as it is done between the hours of six and seven pm

Even if in dormitories, no one is to participate in the acts of sex on the days of Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday

Any pornography is not to leave the owners room unless it is taken directly to the locker rooms of the owners respective gender

Any and all Harry Potter books found _will_ be confiscated, torn to shreds, and burnt!! Wands _are not_ for spell casting or any supernatural purpose!!

When around females, boys are not permitted to be:

Kind

Chivalric

Sweet

Charming

Funny

Flirtatious

Or good-intentioned

This is to help the females stay concentrated on their schoolwork, not because Magic School is against homosexuals. (Note: When around Headmaster Hitler, it is mandatory that boys show all of these qualities, therefore it is only when around the Headmaster that this rule loses its authority)

All boys wands are to stay in pockets during school hours (unless, again, around Headmaster Hitler)

No whispering on Thursdays

No visiting the Easter Bunny!!

If you come across a glowing peacock anywhere in the vicinity of the North Wing, do not make eye contact and do exactly as the peacock instructs. That is, as long as you want to keep your Cheese Its.

Do all your work, eat quickly, guard your shoes, and listen to the men with the guns, and you should do fine here

**_ Other Unacceptable Conduct_ **

No bullying!! This includes: Name calling, hitting, kicking, biting, slapping, gossiping, threatening, advice giving on ways to commit acts of self-harming, and rubbing (All of this, and more, is to be applied to online usage as well. Especially the rubbing)

No sexual harassment!! This includes unwanted: Kissing, squeezing, STD transferring, and slapping, ass and otherwise. Anything else- such as licking, shooting, squirting, and rubbing- is permitted. (Please note that teachers _are_ permitted to slap a student on the ass as a way of saying "good luck" or "extra credit" or "this is the beginning of your next assignment")

_** Dress Code**_

Boys

No piercing or other types of body-jewelry is allowed above the waste, excluding the nipples

No baggy pants for boys under the age of 14

Tight pants are mandatory for boys between the ages of 10 and 13

The wearing of chains will only be tolerated if you are a certified Jewish Gangster

Short shorts are mandatory on Fridays

Silly hats only; violators will be bitch-slapped

The remaining rules will be determined by the Headmaster at a later time

Girls

Baggy pants are mandatory on Fridays (unless you are an atheist)

Skirts, if worn, should be no longer than 6 inches (unless you are an atheist)

Dangly jewelry is acceptable if it is longer than 10 inches and wider than 4 inches (unless you are an atheist)

Short-sleeved shirts **are not allowed**!! (unless you are an atheist)

Hair must be no longer than 12 inches and no shorter than 5 inches (unless you are an atheist)

If you are an atheist, please resort to the rules for transvestites and cross-dressers

Transvestites and Cross-dressers

You **must** wear **only** sweatshirts, sweatpants, and laboratory goggles, unless of course your name is Bill, Fred, Bob, Jonathon, or Shellie (unless you are an atheist)

If you are an atheist, please resort to the rules for girls

_** Curfew**_

You are to be in your dormitory by 8 pm

You are not to leave your dormitory before 6 am

Rules do not apply to shape shifters

Any who disregard the rules of curfew will be dealt with by the Headmaster in his private chambers unless you are a girl, in which case you will be expelled

_** Happy Hour**_

A mandatory activity for boys set between and for the entire length of time between the hours of 4 and 5 pm where said boys will find a partner (or group of 3) and grind to oldies music.

_And finally… Classes  
_

_** Mandatory Classes (required because the elves said so)**_

History of magic

Magical tools and artifacts

Spell casting

Demonology

Potions/Herbology

Why Harry Potter **SUCKS!!  
**

**_ Electives (not required because the unicorns like pickles)_**

Dead Languages of the Middle East

Mastering Your Passive Power

The Source: a history of DOOM! (A collection of in-depth autobiographies by past Sources and their lovers)

The Power of Three (and then some)

Art

Band

Home Economics

Technology

Gymnastics

Thinking 101

Nap Time

Lego's and their multiple uses

How _not_ to play Twister (For boys between the ages of 10 and 14, and girls, only. Anyone else who would like to participate may take this course as a zero period)

_ Thank you,_

_ We hope to see you this fall!_

_ **Staff of Magic School**_

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Again, sorry if I've offended anyone in any way. R&R pleeeease! 


End file.
